New Look

Recently tried out a site called Neospring which is meant to be a replacement for Retrospring (If unaware, it's a site where you can ask people questions basically) Anyway it has the ability to fully code your profile and I decided to do something different from my usual site layouts. In other words the light blue overall paw patrol look. I ended up taking a bit of inspiration from machinery, cars (toy ones mostly, but some real ones gave inspiration), garages and other such things. Anyway it ended up really clicking with me, feeling like a more mature proper representation of myself rather than my typical cutesy colorful paw patrol inspired site layouts. I loved it SO much that as you can tell I've changed the layout of my neocities and all my other platforms as well! Theres still of course a childlike kinda look to it since I am often considered this, but overall I think it has a more mature sorta feel to it that works much better when I make more serious blog entries.
Speaking of which I did all this updated coding to help distract from all that stuff going on. Life has been a bit better though, Hale's sister came to visit for a day and it was really fun! Really helped lighten the mood while I've been down. I think I am recovering from all the stuff going on, but I may want space still. Don't assume I hate you or anything if I disappear for awhile.

Trying To Recover

A special family member and person in my life passed away, I already wasn't in a good place in my mind after I pushed some friends away from wanting to talk to me because I've been a bad friend. For a month it's hard to keep track at this point I've been feeling heavily dislocated from reality, my friends, my family and everything. I forgot who I was and didn't feel anything it felt like my teenage years all over again. Things have now gotten better and I talked about some personal things that have been building up in my mind for awhile, now I feel free even if still a little scared and unsure of myself. I will work on improving my confidence and be more open about whats going on with me rather than repressing my emotions to make others happy. For the past several months I've noticed I have been changing my personality to please others which I'm also trying to fix and figure out how to be myself.
I am sorry for the more downer blog entry compared to my usual writings and I know it doesn't compare well to the colorful fun site theme, but I want to use this blog more and actually write more properly what's going on with me for those actually interested in me

Big Number 20 & Learning 3D

A couple days ago (August 30th) was my birthday! Officially the big 20 years old!As of writing this it's also my roommate's birthday (September 4th, yes our birthdays are very close to each other!) but he unfortunately is sick on today of all days so we won't be doing anything besides relaxing and letting him rest so he can recover. Once he feels better we will definitely go out and do stuff to celebrate!

For my birthday I celebrated my emulating some of my childhood favorite games. Mostly how to train your dragon related ones.
I've also been learning blender! Haven't made any models myself, but I have been messing around with posing pre-existing models (Like pokemon) and rendering them. Super excited to get into the realm of 3D!
On more of an annoyance news:
The image hosting site I use ImgBB has been failing to load images lately for the past couple of days, it seems to be slowly fixing itself, but if it keeps having these issues I might have to find/use another website to upload my stuff like filegarden. which would suck since I'd have to reupload everything to whatever site I end up using.

Americas Birthday & Artfight

It's the 4th of July! I don't necessarily celebrate it or anything like that despite me being American I'm simply not the biggest fan of fireworks. The most I'd do to celebrate is hang out with family and friends which is good enough for me!I'm so excited about artfight! I've done several attacks already and it's only the beginning of the month! I plan on doing many more throughout the month and it's what will be taking up most of my time this month! With of course breaks to play games, talk to friends and swim in my pool since the weather is lovely out!
My local drive-in theater is opening for the summer and I'm really hoping to see some movies there!

Overall things are looking up! Removed some bad people out of my life and I'm focusing on my happiness and self discovering

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

For the past couple of weeks I was recovering from a sickness. Meanwhile I was doing voice calls with my friends which did make me feel better, but long story short some drama did go down in a way and it made me feel like shit even after my sickness was technically over. Luckily it's been dealt with hints the title of this blog.
It's been pretty peaceful since then, though I am still trying to process it all. Especially some of the stuff I confessed about that I never thought I would, but it did feel good to get it out of my system. Even if things didn't necessarily go my way and that did upset me for awhile I've processed these selfish jealous feelings and now I'm over it, just happy that we can all just chill now.
I know that last part might sound contradictory, but that's kind of how life is itself a contradicting mess.
In short: Stuff went down, but it's all good now.

On another note my partner has been helping me mod red dead redemption 2 it's mostly just mods to fix the end game and make John look properly like John instead of the weird black haired Arthur with a scar that we actually got.
I plan on streaming the game for my friends when I do play it and to take lovely screenshots. Very excited for the moding to be finished so I can begin this fun adventure with my pals.

Red Dead Neocities

I finished my neocities on easter. It was a very productive couple months. Not just for the site, but for other projects in general such as art trades and browser games.
A big weight feels lifted finishing this site, I've been giving myself a well deserved break by playing red dead redemption online with my roommate!
I know the game never gets updated and is kind of a wasteland, but it's still extremely fun! I finally reached rank 10 collector and got the lantern for my horse! It's been really handy during the night so far.
I guess you could say Red Dead Redemption is one of my main interest currently it's a really great game series so far and I'm excited for a possible third game which I'm hoping takes place before the second game so we can finally see what happened in black water. Also simply because I want to see more of John since he's the face of the franchise for me no matter what.

Outside of Red Dead Redemption and finishing my site, I've been doing calls with my friends where we chat during the night. It's been very helpful to distract me from my visions that often happen when it's dark.
It's also of course been helpful for my roommate who has night shift where he's often bored during it.
Sure we have our long periods of silence, but I'm simply happy to know they're there if I start seeing things.
For the record: Yes I have hallucinations, not sure if it's a medical issue or whatever. It's not that alarming or effects my life extremely for me to bother talking about it with a professional and only mostly effects me at night. Just thought I'd clear that up for those wondering.

Glad we got that cleared up. Anywho I appreciate anyone who read this rather it be those who are my friends, genuinely curious about me or those who want to laugh at me I'm fine with that too I understand how humorous I come off as an adult with such a childish website, interest and poor grammer I'm just glad I could give you some sort of entertainment even if it's not the positive kind in my regard necessarily.

Random note: As of writing this the eclipse is happening! The dogs don't seem to like it all that much, but it's interesting seeing how dark the sky is getting at such an early time (3 PM) For those watching the eclipse good luck getting a nice photo of it or whatever you plan on doing

Happy Holidays And Other News

Happy Holidays! Would’ve made this blog entry sooner, but I had covid for awhile and only just recently fully recoveredWhat’s new with me? Well my family got two new puppies, not really a fan of them as they’ll grow into big dogs and I’m a bit nervous around big dogs after past experiences. Regardless of my feelings I’ve still been taking care of them and bonding with them.
Also yesterday I saw the new migration movie! (I won’t be talking about spoilers don’t worry for those who want to see it) I remember seeing the trailer for it for the first time in the previews before the Mario Movie and safe to say I forgot everything that happened in the Mario Movie since I was just too excited about the migration movie!
It was definitely worth the wait! It’s up there as one of my top 20 favorite movies! It reminds me of a mix of secret life of pets and Rio which I love!
I know a lot of people aren’t a fan of illumination movies, but personally I love them and their simplicity