Been awhile since I wrote anything. It feels like a lot has happened since my last blog entry. I keep having dreams about death. Family members, Friends and just people I've met in the past. I wake up most days with my eyes watering. I feel like I've become more sensitive I can't tolerate as much as I use to and I feel like a bother because of it. I noticed I'm more closed off and sticking with a specific friend group. I use to be more social, but it's been really hard to do so after certain repeating patterns beyond my mental issues. I have so many thoughts that I don't know how to express and the rare times I do it feels like no one cares. I wish I knew if I was doing a good job or if the stuff I do is correct. At times it does feel right, but other times there's a sharp pain telling me otherwise. Life is complicated. People are complicated. Often times I feel unheard by most people in my life, but maybe its for the best I don't have a voice since do I even know what I'm saying? I don't think people should listen to me. I doubt anyone reads this stuff anyway for an example I'm just writing it for me.
My inner moral conflicts aside. I reconnected with a friend after a year apart, I am very happy to have them back in my life. I can only hope to be a better friend. I won't say more than that since it's personal topic.
It's interesting how things turn out and the world works in general. Lot of personal conflicts I just didn't expect to turn out the way they did, but overall I am content with how. things are for now. My physical health has not been on my mind and it clearly shows. When it gets warmer it will be easier to focus on it.
