So much to talk about that I don’t know where to begin. Been a mix of good and bad. I won’t talk about the bad stuff since it’s too personal so I’ll solely focus on the good for the most part with this entry.
I made a new friend who’s really helped lighten my mood in these tough times, such a bright personality it’s tough to be down around them! (Of course this also applies to my other friends) Her name is Kaitlyn she is Ashley’s (Hale’s Sister) roommate and she gave me hope for my future while I was having a really rough period in my life as you could probably pick up on in my past entries. I’m excited to see the sonic 3 movie in theaters this month with her, Ashley, Hale and maybe some other friends if our schedules allow it! I am admittedly not too big on sonic, but it seems to be a tradition to just invite a bunch of people to see them with whenever another one comes out.
I do believe things are looking up for me despite the bad stuff going on as well I’m trying to keep a positive mindset. Of course I know it’s okay to be sad and all, but there’s good stuff pulling me through at the moment. I’m also doing better about setting boundaries, thinking about myself and not letting people walk all over me which usually I use to be good about that, but being down lately I just sorta let it happen.
Other news is that I recently came out as bisexual. It’s always been something I wondered if I was or not even if I didn’t out right say much about it to anyone since I’m not good with such topics, but the attraction for all is definitely there to say the least. I don’t really associate with the bisexual flag admittedly it doesn’t fit my experiences and purple simply isn’t my color so I might still use the rainbow. There’s also some nice color picked bisexual flags that change the color palette slightly (nothing too extreme of course I still want it to be recognizable) which I feel fit me much better personally so I might use those.
Something else I’ve been meaning to mention is that I have a new sona! They’re a night fury and I’m already heavily connected to them it feels really good to have a sona I can actually draw without a struggle since I’ve always drawn night furies for a lot of my life. A foolish thing about me is that whenever I’d consider having a sona I always had night fury in the back of my mind throughout the years, but I didn’t feel worthy enough to be one since the franchise described them as so powerful, rare and all. Despite the fact I knew in my mind I heavily identified as the species, my dreams and visions often have me as a night fury for some examples of what I’m talking about. Buster’s
(the cyan colored dragon with the red collar you’d often see me get art of) long body and short legs and wide wings were actually inspired by night furies to make up for those feelings I have, but as to not still be considered the exact species.
What changed my mind about those (admittedly ridiculous) thoughts enough to commit to a fury?For fun and to cheer myself up from recent tough life events I decided to rewatch those “how to make a fursona” videos and overall rewatch some old furry videos I liked in the past. Some of the stuff mentioned in those videos really clicked with me, such as “Maybe go with a species related to what got you into the fandom” Which for me was how to train your dragon. And overall those videos said some things that really hinted in my head towards night fury. I didn’t trust myself to design one so I waited for awhile to see an adopt that caught my eye either a night fury or a creature I could turn into one. That’s when
this Kygore X Swampert adopt by risuchan004 came up. I immediately saw the vision and knew I had to get it for this! Pokémon is probably the most popular franchise I’m into which means a lot for me as someone usually into unpopular stuff and I’ve met a lot of cool people from it so mixing a night fury with Pokémon sounded like an amazing way to connect it to me further! Plus greatly increase my color palette beyond solid black. It just so happened this hybrid was of Pokémon I also felt connected to (more connected to Mudkip in comparison to their final evolution, but it still worked out amazingly!)
I did do some design changes so it’d be more simple for me to draw/color like removing kyogre’s symbols
I struggled with a name for awhile since I wasn’t sure if I should use my name since I already partially call Buster by it so to avoid confusion for now I went with something else which was “Hero” I decided to go with hero as someone who strongly connects with the protagonist of stories and heroes. So it felt right too me. You could also simply call them Xavier as well if you want since I understand Hero isn’t the most traditional name ever haha.
Also about me feeling like I wasn’t worthy of being the species I have to say this:
I feel the franchise definitely over exaggerated their power and stuff just to make toothless cooler. Which is common for franchises that are made for a younger audience to give the main character all sorts of powers and all. Night furies seem like a species from a design aspect in my opinion that wouldn’t win so easily in battles with other dragons and overall aren’t as powerful as the book of dragons would seem to suggest. Plus my whole thought process in general was dumb and I’ve definitely grown out of feeling that way, but I did implement this over exaggeration of the species in with this character. I’m not “ The unholy offspring of lightning and death itself.” too extreme!
Another thing I almost forgot to mention is another reason I didn’t go with a night fury for the longest time was because of my fear of the dark and night time as a whole so it didn’t make sense in my mind to go with a creature seemingly of the night, but despite my fears I do suffer from insomnia and for some reason end up sleeping throughout the day mostly a lot easier despite me loving the day and sunlight more than anything. Perhaps it’s because the sunlight brings me so much comfort I sleep easier? Eh, I won’t go so much into that anywho that factor in my mind could explain why I am such a species.
