A special family member and person in my life passed away, I already wasn't in a good place in my mind after I pushed some friends away from wanting to talk to me because I've been a bad friend. For a month it's hard to keep track at this point I've been feeling heavily dislocated from reality, my friends, my family and everything. I forgot who I was and didn't feel anything it felt like my teenage years all over again. Things have now gotten better and I talked about some personal things that have been building up in my mind for awhile, now I feel free even if still a little scared and unsure of myself. I will work on improving my confidence and be more open about whats going on with me rather than repressing my emotions to make others happy. For the past several months I've noticed I have been changing my personality to please others which I'm also trying to fix and figure out how to be myself.
I am sorry for the more downer blog entry compared to my usual writings and I know it doesn't compare well to the colorful fun site theme, but I want to use this blog more and actually write more properly what's going on with me for those actually interested in me
